We Believe in Miracles: The Journey Part IV

It's time to get back to the story before we forget the little details and tender mercies.

The morning after coming home from the hospital, I felt much better.  Thankfully, the headache was gone and I had an appetite to eat breakfast.  We had a visit from the home health nurse to teach us about caring for the PICC line and administering the antibiotics. I'd come home with the eyepatch, but was able to take it off that morning.  Gabriel and McKay weren't terribly comfortable with that.  I think G asked if I could put it back on.  My eye was mostly shut and you could see the stitches from the incision in my eyelid.  My eyeball was completely turned inward. I fed Clara for the first time.  It was difficult for me to not be able to nurse her.  Not only did I want to provide her with that perfect nourishment, I missed that breastfeeding relationship.  At this point, I still hoped I could resume nursing once I finished the 6-week course of antibiotics.  Of course, I never was able to nurse her again.  I cried and mourned over that for several weeks.  While this was a very difficult thing for me, I am grateful for the perspective it provided.  I have a greater sense of empathy for those who are not able to nurse, and all the more want to help women have the support and resources they need to do it.  I am grateful for the week and a half I was able to nurse.  We are grateful Clara tolerated formula without any problems.  We are grateful for friends and strangers who donated formula.

I remember one major break-down moment.  One morning I came downstairs just sobbing hysterically.  Cory and my mom talked to me for a while.  I felt so overwhelmed and wondered when I would be myself again.  Once again, I had to look at how far I'd come, not how far there was to go. I continued to gain strength throughout that week as my mom and Cory really took care of things with the kids and around the house.  Clara slept in the bedroom with my mom so that I could rest through the night.  For years now my mom has had trouble sleeping.  She finds herself awake for several hours at a time in the night.  While she was staying with us, she was able to sleep.  Clara would wake up to eat and go right back to sleep, and my mom was able to as well.  Tender mercies from our Heavenly Father.

Cory took me to follow-up appointments with the eye surgeon (Dr. Mansour) and ENT (Dr. Sadeghi).  The infectious disease doctors took me off one of the antibiotics, so I was only on one twice a day.  Cory had a convention February 17-20, so my mom planned to stay through that time and return home around the 21st. On Sunday February 17 Cory left for the airport around 3:00 in the afternoon for a 5:30 (or so) flight to Denver then Phoenix. After dinner, Lucas and I got set up to play a game of Life together while McKay and Gabriel sat down to watch some Veggie Tales.  The phone rang and, although I didn't recognize the phone number, I answered it.  It was Dr. Khanna, my ENT who had done the first surgery.